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Video Vault Friday: Leoncie

January 29, 2010

I must admit to being rather late for the YouTube boat, not really looking toward it as a source for anything more than the occasional movie trailer until the last two years or so.  Now I find myself there nearly every day, most often seeking out the old (I’ve been on an 80s TV promotions kick lately) and the odd, while not really bothering with whatever the popular viral video is of the moment.  I may not have much interest in whatever it is The Lonely Island is putting out, but Mae West singing ‘Rock Around the Clock’? I am all over that shit.  In this weekly feature, I bring to you some of my favorite treasures I’ve discovered along the way.

We’ll inaugurate the feature with Leoncie, who I actually discovered last year.  Well, I can’t really say I “discovered” her, she’s made the rounds elsewhere at such places as Best Week Ever and that Tosh.0 guy’s blog.  However, the more exposure she gets the better, because the whole world needs to be aware of this glorious songbird.

Described as “Iceland’s Madonna,” which is as arbitrary as being “Croatia’s Britney Spears” or “Guinea-Bissau’s Avril Lavigne,” Leoncie is a singer who looks to be anywhere between thirty-five and fifty.  She’s a veritable one woman show, writing her own songs and composing the music for them on what sounds like an 80s-era Casio keyboard permanently set on “samba.”  Going by the description on her YouTube page, Leoncie is an explosive talent just ready and waiting to, er, explode.

LEONCIE is an Incredible Singer Songwriter,Musician, Producer and a Dynamite Entertainer.  She is Very Mysterious.   Her Original music is a lovely range of Aggressive and yet Sensual Melodies that touch your soul.  Her music is a Stunning blend of Rock, Blues, Jazz, Soul,Powerpop fusion,combined with beautiful sounds from all over the world,like India, Europe, Portugal,America,Country -Western, creating an enormous musical package that leaves her audiences spellbound. Leoncie’s Music is full of Rhythmn and pulse. Her Music is More than a Singer, Leoncie is an all round Entertainer. SHE has composed many Hit songs…This hotblooded ScandinavIndian,SingerSongwrit er is very hardworking and credits God Almighty for her super inspiration in writing her amazing songs,which are extremely catchy and dancy and infectious.  Leoncie has been on many radio and tv stations worldwide and can entertain people without any lame props…Spectacular Leoncie is the Instrumentalist of all her songs on which she spends hundreds of hours perfecting her music,till every song has been thoroughly polished and improved repeatedly before recording them in studios,anywhere in the world, and after every minute detail,has been arranged to perfection, Leoncie produces and performs her music, like the Genius she is…My success is solely due to the fact that I’ve worked extremely hard, and professionally at everything I do, inspite of interference from pagans,racists and hypocrites. fm is full of superfakes,pals, and loudest noisemakers in the media.Leoncie does not want to be around junkies,because drugs are not her style.  Leoncie ‘s songs are timeless with great lyrics and compelling melodic hooks that Nobody even comes close to Leoncie’ s Mysterious Magic.

I’ve never been involved in the music industry, but I’m pretty sure that, when trying to create a fake press release to promote yourself, it’s not just a good idea to have a grasp on proper spelling and grammar, but also to avoid reverting back and forth between the first and third person persona, lest you risk looking like you have multiple personality disorder.  I’m not sure if MPD is Leoncie’s  problem so much as plain old delusion, but if people like William Hung can have a brief taste of fame as a performer, who can blame her for thinking she has a shot? In a way I kind of admire her, because I wish I had that kind of confidence. If she had any actual talent, she could have made it as far as being known as “Yemen’s Christina Aguilera.”

Enough of me, though, let’s let the music…speak, if you want to call it that, for itself.  Not only does Leoncie write and produce her own music, it also appears that she’s solely responsible for the videos as well, all of which look to be shot on a budget of approximately $37, most of which went towards wigs for the versatile performer.  My personal favorite is ‘Sex Crazy Cop,’ a blistering attack on a cheating partner, who bangs sluts all day while Leoncie is hard at work at someplace called a “disco bank.”  No, I’m not kidding, that’s actually in the lyrics, with the closest thing to a chorus being “Ohhhh, cheap sex!”

Another favorite is ‘Man! Let’s Have Fun,’ an ode to the simple pleasures of spending time with that special someone, in which Leoncie declares that she doesn’t really care if “you drive a furry.”  I don’t know how one drives a furry, but it sounds filthy and I don’t want to think about it any further.  Rebelling against corporate rock demands that a music video should have some sense of comprehension, Leoncie gyrates to her own phat beats while pictures of random objects and places, such as a Mack truck, cacti, a biplane, the Taj Mahal, an empty office and what appears to be an early 20th century street scene flash behind her.

Oh, and she also wrote a song about how much she enjoys watching professional wrestling.

While watching Leoncie’s videos, it took me a little while to put my finger on what makes them both hilarious and uncomfortable.  Secondhand embarrassment has a lot to do with it, and then I realized that it’s because watching Leoncie is like watching somebody’s middle-aged mother get liquored up and try to bump and grind with a man half her age at a club, or going up on stage and doing ‘Love to Love You Baby’ for Karaoke Night at the Dew Drop Inn.  You just want to go to wherever she is, throw a blanket over her and hustle her away before she does any more damage.  Nevertheless, to be honest, I feel like  a bit of an asshole for poking fun at her.  Clearly she had fun making this music, and has convinced herself that she is succeeding in the business on her own terms, “inspite of interference from pagans,racists and hypocrites.”  How many of us can make the same claim? In the end, Leoncie, I applaud you.  I’m not going to buy any of your albums, but I applaud you.  Keep on keepin’ on.  Maybe someday you’ll get to drive your own furry.

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